XPost: alt.usenet.kooks, alt.fan.karl-malden.nose, alt.conspiracy   
   XPost: alt.rock-n-roll.metal.death   
   From: spam@snuhco.com   
      
   Net "Personality" Jason Gortician today announced his retirement from   
   Usenet. He is currently negotiating with three publishing houses   
   regarding the release of his first full-length book "Growing Up   
   Gortician". Here is a brief excerpt:   
      
   My Life with the Reptilians   
   Jason Gortician   
   (3-29-04)   
      
   You'll love this. I've dropped acid several hundred times, and it   
   eventually brought on a few bouts of schizophrenia. I used to attribute   
   every bizarre occurrence to coincidence or schizophrenia. In retrospect,   
   something more was at work. I must confess to reading David Icke for fun.   
      
   Early on, an officer who arrested me on a nonsense charge was soon   
   thereafter killed by two drunk driving students from Louisiana School for   
   the Deaf. This was the beginning of a long, strange chain of events.   
      
   It's sort of hard to begin to explain schizophrenia. There are a number   
   of aspects I've experienced. For one, I actually experienced a lot of   
   books I've read, and movies I've seen. It's sort of a Walter Mitty on   
   meth. Fun, actually, if it never gets out of hand. Vonnegut, Dick,   
   Heinlein, King. Each of these writers describes certain aspects, or   
   influenced my thoughts to a degree.   
      
   Some ten years later, I was arrested for sleepwalking across campus   
   dressed only in a pair of blue Adidas shorts. I had been tripping for a   
   week or so, at Mardi gras and the honors convention in New Orleans. I had   
   my first weird "Stephen King" incident, in which I met a New Orleans   
   professor who looked an awful lot like a very tall King.   
      
   So I was accosted as I was walking across campus. Rightly so, I suppose.   
   But two campus cops were dispatched to talk to me. They say I cursed at   
   someone as I was walking? Quite possibly, as I was essentially   
   unconscious.   
      
   I more or less began to wake up when confronted by these two police. But   
   I got a very uncool vibe from the two of them, you might say. Nothing   
   came to mind so much as a UFO comic I had read in the 70s as a child. It   
   said something to the effect that the people (a pair?) who approached Lot   
   for his daughters were in fact aliens. So I guess that stuck with me. I   
   must point out that I've never considered myself at all religious or even   
   spiritual.   
      
   At any rate, one had glasses and one didn't, and they struck me as quite   
   odd. A struggle and macing ensued. I spent a few weeks in the local   
   mental ward, and then jail.   
      
   I made a joke about it shortly after I began to recover from a major   
   freak-out: "They say I bit one cop and punched another one in the   
   stomach, but I distinctly remember turning into a dinosaur-type thing and   
   eating them."   
      
   Ha ha.   
      
   As a side-note, the university barred me from school, but persuaded a   
   neighbor to attest to a few laughable complaints, in order to evict us   
   from campus. Almost at the very time I was in the administration offices   
   answering these false charges, the girl's father, who happened to live a   
   few houses down from our own residence in that town, had his hand badly   
   smashed, and his St. Bernard of ten years was shot and killed.   
      
   The encounter I had upon the day of our arrival back home was an odd one   
   indeed. When I had left school, I had also left work. My boss was a   
   female, and while I don't want to say she had reptilian qualities, she   
   certainly had unique characteristics. At any rate, while speaking to the   
   girl's father, and learning he was injured, etc., I "saw" my boss's   
   persona in another person, a female, who was accompanying him. My ex-   
   boss, through her, essentially told me to take care of myself. It was   
   odd, seeing one person's essence inside another in that manner, with such   
   vivid clarity. Voice, intonation, body gestures, etc. were all that of   
   another person entirely. This was not the only time this sort of thing   
   happened.   
      
   So, the very night we moved back to that house, a girl was murdered in   
   the apartments on campus. I, in fact, slept alone at the house that   
   night. Again, I didn't make much of a note of it, but I had a really   
   vivid dream that night. It was essentially a nightmare, involving a   
   reptilian Stephen King the size and dimension of a refrigerator. But I   
   didn't pay much attention to that. Because when I went back to campus a   
   few days later, we were pulled over and questioned in relation to the   
   campus murder. Thus marking the first time I was loosely associated with   
   what was termed at the time, a "serial killing".   
      
   Here, I guess, is the kicker. At one point, for a few split-seconds, I   
   saw in the mirror that I no longer looked like myself, but like a   
   reptilian version of my ex-boss, replete with yellow saurian eyes.   
      
   Hmmm. I didn't really think it was a big deal, at the time. When we did   
   return to campus, I remember locking eyes with a black female, out of a   
   sizable crowd. She had cat or lizard eyes, and showed me her fangs. This   
   sort of thing is par for the course for schizophrenia, as far as I can   
   tell. How else can I explain it all to myself?   
      
   Acute paranoid schizophrenia, induced by LSD abuse. Either that or I am a   
   shape-shifting reptilian myself.   
      
   So, just as a closer, I then took a trip to Florida. After circumstances   
   led me to, if I recall, 33rd and Mason?, I actually obtained a bricklayer   
   job a few days later. As it turns out, I had left my lights on at my   
   first day of work. A telephone lineman walked by, and a few minutes later   
   returned. He informed me lights were on, and when I thanked him, he said   
   "Anything for you, buddy", in a voice that was chillingly that of Stephen   
   King's, especially his one-liners that he gives in many cameos in his own   
   movies.   
      
   Like I said, it's weird and hard to explain. I'm fine now, of course. No   
   more psychedelics for me. Strange coincidences? Not around here. No cases   
   of ESP, evidence of mutation. No recent contrails over the town of   
   Ruston, Louisiana. Just an average nuclear family, attending college. Oh   
   me? I'm, erm, a sci-fi writer. --Jason   
      
      
   --   
   Troll my message board and I will beat your ass   
   http://www.latech.edu/tech/orgs/klpi/mboard/phpBB2/   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)